Get over it
by Beep
Disclaimer #1: The characters belong to Paramount/Viacom, not me,
and I promise to put them back on the shelf when I'm done with them. They will
be unharmed. Well, mostly.
Disclaimer #2: This is a J/7 story, and there's love between two
women. If that's not your thing, how did you even find this? Oh, yeah, there's
sex too, so if you're not old enough for NC-17 material, don't let your parents
catch you.
Disclaimer #3: This is a response to a challenge on the J/7 Faction
forum, the First Time Ever Challenge. The beginning of the story was
given – namely a dramatized version of the end of the episode "Dark
Frontier" – the rest was up to us.
Dedication: This is dedicated to three ladies I adore. To DAx,
who is always an inspiration, makes me laugh, and is hosting this little story
for me. Thanks also for my new name which stuck in no time, DAx! ;-) To
ZoeAmory, who has one of the most devilishly creative minds around and is a great
playmate. To XV, who has a great, big heart, and who was the first J/7er I ever
met in R/L. And finally, to all my other playmates on the VC forum. I hope you
enjoy the story. I luvs yew awl to bitz. @--->---
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
"Captain's log, stardate 52619.2. We got another twenty thousand
light years out of the transwarp coil before it gave out. I figure we're
another fifteen years closer to home."
Janeway sauntered into cargo
bay two smiling when she saw Seven of Nine tapping steadily away at the
controls of her console. "I see you've picked up some bad habits,"
she observed walking up next to the younger woman and leaning into her personal
space.
"Captain?"
The smile never left her face
as Kathryn rested her hands on the console and looked up at Seven through
lowered lashes. "The doctor told you to regenerate for at least two days.
You're violating a direct medical command."
"I will comply when my
work is completed." The younger woman's fingers never stopped moving on
the console controls.
Janeway brought an elbow up
onto the console and rested her chin on her palm as she looked down at the
display. "Borg tactical data?"
"During my time at
Unimatrix One I acquired a vast amount of knowledge. It may prove useful in our
future encounters with the Borg." She glanced up at the captain and then
back down at her console. "I am downloading it into Voyager's database."
A troubled expression came over
the former drone's face and she looked back up at the captain. For a moment she
hesitated as though weighing her words. When she did speak her voice was soft
and unsure. "The Borg believed I was unique. That I understood humanity.
They were obviously mistaken."
"How so?"
Seven raised her optical
implant and it was clear she thought the answer should be obvious. "I
betrayed the crew of Voyager, threatened you with assimilation. I did not
expect you to return for me."
The soft smile returned to
Kathryn's face, but her voice was just as gentle as before. "Looks like
you've still got a few things to learn."
Seven nodded once in acceptance
of that statement.
"Time to regenerate,"
the captain pointed out.
Seven's response was immediate.
"When I am finished."
Amused, Kathryn's smile grew
and she answered, "No…now."
Seven's smile, although small,
was huge for her and lit her features. She quirked her eyebrow and responded in
a soft tone that bordered on flirtatious, "Yes, Captain."
For a moment the younger woman
continued to stare at Janeway before she turned and stepped up on the dais in
front of the regeneration alcove. She pivoted, backed into the alcove contacts
and looked down briefly as the captain walked over to the control interface.
The captain entered the parameters of the regeneration cycle with easy
familiarity and a second later Seven's eyes snapped closed.
Kathryn looked up at the
younger woman knowing the smile on her face revealed too much; her feelings
clear for anyone to see. "Sweet dreams," she said softly.
Stepping away from the alcove
the captain headed toward the bay doors. Halfway across the room she said, "Computer,
lights one eighth." The cargo bay darkened instantly and Kathryn stopped
then turned back toward the unconscious woman. In the safety of the shadows
Kathryn was finally able to say what she had wanted to all along. "Welcome
home, my love."
Cerulean blue eyes opened and
watched her every move, but in the darkness Janeway didn't notice. She turned
and left the cargo bay headed back to the bridge secure in the belief that all
was right in the universe and the woman she loved was safely back where she
belonged. The blue eyes closed again, this time above a smile as the
regeneration cycle resumed.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
Kathryn Janeway made it all the way back to the turbolift before she
started berating herself for showing so much of her feelings. If anyone had seen you with Seven just now,
they'd have known. A blind man could have seen it ... You have to get this
under control. It was a good thing that Seven was too straightforward to
read anything into her behavior.
But the truth was that the past few weeks had scared her like nothing
ever had. So much, in fact, that she was forced into facing her feelings
instead of being able to quietly shove them deep down inside her heart and
ignore them. The thought of losing Seven, to
the damned Borg no less, had opened a pit of despair inside her that only
immediate action could fill. She had been determined to get Seven back or die
trying, which had told her more about her feelings for her friend than any
amount of self-analysis ever could.
Captain Janeway had given up lying to herself a long time ago because it
was futile. Futile. She tasted the
word with a smirk. At the Academy, a fellow cadet had told her "Lie to
everyone else if you must to get what you want ‑ but never lie to
yourself. In the end, it'll cost you more than you'll be willing to pay."
It was one of the few pieces of advice that she had kept close to her
heart, and now her half-grin broadened as she was thinking about it. She
stopped the turbolift with a terse command to the computer, not yet ready to
face the bridge crew. She was still feeling too much.
"I love her," she whispered, trying the words on for size.
It actually felt good to say it, she realized, even if it was just to the
empty turbolift. "I love her. I love her. I'm in love with Seven of Nine."
For a moment she imagined herself telling Seven and being swept up in the
blonde's arms in reply but then the reality of the situation asserted itself. She
hit her head against the bulkhead a couple of times before resting her forehead
against it. "Damn, damn, damn," she whispered. "Two days. You
have two days to get over it."
Two days of Seven regenerating in her alcove, unaware of what was going
on around her. Unaware of whoever might be watching over her ... watching her.
Suddenly, Janeway raised her head. "Computer, restrict access to Cargo Bay
Two to Seven of Nine and–" She hesitated for only a second. "To
myself for the next 48 hours. Authorization Janeway pi-one-one-zero."
If anybody had a problem with that they'd just have to come to her about
it. She nodded to herself and then promptly rolled her eyes at her own
behavior. With a sigh she straightened her shoulders.
"Bridge."
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
It was halfway through beta shift before the captain found her way to
her quarters. She thought about eating something, then just decided on having
another cup of coffee. She shrugged out of her uniform tunic and threw it on
the sofa before letting herself fall into her favorite chair as gracelessly as
she dared with the coffee in her hands. She grinned, feeling better than she
had in weeks.
"I'm in love," she whispered again. She had come to terms with
her feelings, had even started to embrace them – if only for the sake of
feeling something – during a shift spent
mostly in her ready room. She had hidden away in there, needing the time to
start rebuilding her control. She was afraid that anyone could tell from one
look at her what she was feeling, and she didn't trust her command mask enough
to spend an entire day on the bridge. Not around Chakotay who knew her quite
well, or around Tuvok who knew her even better.
Especially not around Tuvok. She knew he would be completely logical while
he told her that her feelings were not appropriate in her position. On the
other hand, he was her oldest friend
on the ship, and he was very devoted to his wife in his entirely logical,
Vulcan way. Maybe he'd understand. And maybe he'd agree to teach her how to
control these emotions. Yes, she'd go to him for help.
For now, however, she wanted to bask in the simple joy of being in love
and knowing it. No matter what happened in the coming days, weeks, and months, this
feeling was a rare pleasure. And she wanted to enjoy it for as long as she
could before reality would come smashing it to bits with brutal inevitability.
After all, the woman she loved probably thought love was … irrelevant. Still it
felt good, at least for now.
"I'm in love."
She finished her coffee with a small grin and stood, grabbing her
uniform tunic in one smooth move. Time for a late night stroll.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
"Regeneration cycle incomplete."
Seven frowned. She had no idea what had interrupted her regeneration
cycle, and she walked over to her console to run a diagnostic routine. Six hours, thirty-four minutes? She was supposed
to regenerate for two days. Her brows furrowed. What had interrupted the cycle?
She would have to see the doctor about that, just to make sure nothing
was really wrong, although she felt she was working within acceptable
parameters. She turned to make her way to sickbay when an image suddenly
appeared in her mind and stopped her in her tracks.
Captain Janeway standing before
her, smiling and saying "Welcome home, my love." Almost unnoticed, a smile crept over Seven's face. Then the captain took her in her arms and …
And then what? Seven closed her eyes, trying to focus on what happened next but couldn't.
The scene in her mind simply ended where it did, leaving Seven feeling curiously
empty and unsatisfied. The smile slipped from her face. What would the captain
do next?
Seven knew with absolute clarity what she wanted the captain to do, she suddenly
realized. She wanted the captain to touch her, to lay claim to her body and
soul. But something told her that the captain might not do that. Captain
Janeway was always unpredictable, so why would she react like Seven wanted her
to?
Her Borg hand curled around the top of her console, denting the edge.
This was frustration, Seven realized. And that was probably what had
interrupted her cycle. She turned back to the console and opened the ship's
database, putting in string after string of search parameters and commands. She
skimmed the results and shut down her console after a few minutes.
The computer couldn't help her. It knew nothing about the captain's
behavior in romantic matters.
No, she needed to talk to someone who could understand the situation and
who could maybe give her advice on how to proceed. And it needed to be someone
she could trust. Her research had indicated that this issue was private, and would
be even more so for the captain. That didn't leave her many options, she
realized, as she went through the senior staff in her mind. Not many at all.
She sighed.
She had to go and see the doctor.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
The doctor stopped in the middle of his aria when the door to sickbay
opened. With a frown he closed his mouth when he saw Seven of Nine enter.
"Seven, shouldn't you be regenerating? I told you to regenerate for
at least two days for a reason, you know."
"I am sorry, Doctor. My regeneration cycle was interrupted
prematurely. That is why I am here."
"Couldn't sleep, hm?" he teased his favorite patient. Then,
seeing her serious face, his voice lowered in concern. "I take it you ran
a diagnostic on your alcove?"
"Yes. It is functioning within expected parameters." Seven
hesitated. "I think I was … awakened by a dream."
The doctor started scanning her. "I am not surprised that the
recent events left you with nightmares, Seven. That is a perfectly human
response." He closed his tricorder with a satisfied nod and looked at her.
"Everything is working just fine,” he told Seven. "Were the images
disturbing? What was the dream about?"
Disturbing? Yes, one could say she was disturbed by what had not happened in her dream. "The dream was disturbing, Doctor, but it had nothing to do with my recent
experiences with the collective," she replied truthfully.
"Oh?" Now the doctor was really curious. "So what
happened?"
"I was standing in the Cargo Bay and I saw myself and the … a member
of the crew. We were talking. Then this person said "Welcome home, my love",
walked towards me, and began to embrace me."
When nothing else was forthcoming, the doctor asked. "That's it?"
"Yes."
"I don't understand," the doctor said gently. "That
sounds like a very nice dream to me. Most people would enjoy that. Having
someone to welcome you, and telling you that they love you." I know I would. "What did you find
disturbing about it?"
"This was not the disturbing part, Doctor," Seven calmly
replied. "I did indeed enjoy the dream up to that point."
"But?"
Seven took a breath. "I do not know what happened next and I find
myself … wanting to know. However, I do not know what the other person in my
dream was planning to do next. If anything."
The doctor thought about this for a second. "Well, seems to me that
the natural progression for anyone would be to kiss you." That's what I would do. "Don't you
agree?"
Seven mentally ran through the data she had acquired on human mating
rituals by watching the crew. "I agree, theoretically."
"But?"
Seven ignored the doctor's question. "You are positive that everyone would do that, given the same
parameters?" She really liked the thought of the captain kissing her. Touching her. Hope was taking hold of
her, and her heartbeat picked up slightly.
The doctor smiled, a little bemused at where this conversation was
headed. "No, Seven, of course I can’t guarantee that every single person
on this ship would act in the same manner. There are so many different people
on board – people who come from different worlds, backgrounds … species."
He shrugged. "But I would say it
was the most logical way to proceed. For most of them."
The doctor looked at his friend for a second, almost as if lost in
thought, then he asked. "Seven, do you know the other person in your dream
well?"
Seven nodded.
"And you like that person."
Seven nodded again.
"Seven, do you have feelings for that person?"
"Feelings?" Seven had feelings about many members of the crew,
not just the captain. But they were all different kinds of feelings.
"Do you have … romantic … feelings for that person?" the
doctor clarified, wishing Seven would just come out and say who they were
talking about. It would make this discussion so much easier. With a heavy heart
he realized that his friend was most certainly not talking about him. He had a
feeling that in that case, Seven would have gone to the captain with these
questions. The captain? Hmm …
Seven was quiet, examining the feelings she had for the captain. She
knew the captain was the most important person in her life. She would give her
own life to save the captain, had in fact just been doing that when she was
staying with the Borg. She ran her observations of the crew through her head
and imagined herself and the captain in some of the situations she had seen
others in. Kissing, holding hands, walking along the corridor arm in arm … Her
respiration picked up by several percent, and her cortical node, most
alarmingly, stopped analyzing data.
Yes, she most definitely had
romantic feelings for the captain.
"Seven?" The doctor sounded worried when his friend remained
silent.
Seven realized she had ignored the doctor much too long. "Yes, I do
have feelings of a romantic nature for the … person," Seven said finally. "I
think I am … in love.” She hesitated. "But I am unsure how to proceed."
She looks almost shy, the doctor thought, realizing that Seven had indeed fallen for
someone. His money was on the captain.
Seven continued, not seeing the small grin on the EMH’s face. "As
you know, the Borg consider emotion to be irrelevant."
"Maybe I can help you?" The EMH was acting out of a real
desire to see his friend happy but he was also hoping for more information. Mostly
he wanted to see if his assumption was correct. Who else but Janeway was close enough to Seven for her to fall in love
with?
"I would appreciate your assistance," Seven said, sounding relieved
and uncertain at the same time.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
Captain Janeway ambled down the corridor, trying to be inconspicuous as
she made her way to Cargo Bay Two. When she rounded the corner, she saw B'Elanna
Torres kneeling in front of an open panel next to the cargo bay door. She
stopped with her hands on her hips and watched her chief engineer. After a few
seconds she felt a grin playing around her lips.
"Can't open the door?" she asked in a conspiratorial whisper
as she walked closer.
"No," growled B'Elanna without looking up or recognizing the
captain. "Access has been restricted."
"By whom?" Janeway whispered innocently and looked over the
engineer's shoulder.
"According to the computer it was the captain." B'Elanna never
stopped fiddling with the panel.
Janeway straightened to her full height and asked in a normal voice. "And
you think trying to get around my orders is a good idea, Lieutenant?"
B'Elanna tried to get up and turn around at the same time, ending up on
her ass before her commanding officer. "Kahless, Ca … Captain …," she
stammered. "I …"
Janeway stopped her with a level five glare. "Just tell me what you
wanted in the cargo bay."
B'Elanna hesitated for a moment. It's
not too bad, she thought, and the
captain would probably call even the tiniest fib … She sighed. "Tom
and I have a date tonight, and it's kind of a special night for us. I managed
to stash away a box of great wine that I got from Kurul IV when we were on
shore leave there. I really wanted a bottle for our dinner."
Janeway looked at the cargo bay door with interest. "That red wine,
the nice and fruity one?"
"Yes, that's the one," B'Elanna said a little too enthusiastically
for the captain’s taste.
"All right, Lieutenant," Janeway said with a smirk that B'Elanna
didn't see. "I'll open the door for one of those bottles."
"But, Captain, …"
"Two bottles. Deal or no deal, Ms. Torres. It's your choice."
"Okay, then," B'Elanna grumbled, knowing when a battle was
lost.
Janeway turned towards the cargo bay door, happy that she was able to
deflect her chief engineer from the fact that she was also standing in front of
Seven's domain, access to which she had restricted. That was when she heard the
low rumble from Torres. "I wonder what you're
doing here."
"Excuse me?" Janeway faced an embarrassed half-Klingon. "What
did you just say?"
B'Elanna girded her mental loins, and decided there was no point on
deviating from the path she was on now. Besides, there was information to be
gained here; she could feel it down to her bone marrow. "I was wondering
what you were doing here, Captain," she soldiered on. "After all, you
must have put the privacy seal on the door for a reason."
Just for a moment Janeway was caught in an unfamiliar situation: she
didn't know what to say. Then she simply went with the truth: "I wanted to
check on Seven."
Riiiight, B'Elanna thought. Aloud she said, "Shouldn't she be regenerating
for another two days or so?"
"Yes, I know." Janeway hoped her voice wasn’t giving anything
away. "Still, I wanted …"
B'Elanna couldn’t stop herself from snorting loudly.
"You have something to say, Ms. Torres?" The steel was back in
the captain's voice.
"Permission to speak freely, Captain?"
"By all means, Lieutenant," Janeway acquiesced. You mean you weren't until now?
B'Elanna took a deep breath before she looked her captain right in the
eyes. "Could we drop all this crap and just call it like it is, Captain?
Just between us?"
"I’m not sure I know what you're talking about, Lieutenant."
B'Elanna stood her ground. "Let me tell you how I see it." She
waited for Janeway's slight nod before she continued. "There's no way to
put this more delicately: you want Seven. That's as plain as the Vulcan desert
to me. The way you look at her, and the way you just risked everyone and everything
for her, prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt. You're in love with her. So …"
"Yes, I am," Janeway quietly said, hoping to interrupt B'Elanna
before she really got going.
"… don't try to deny it." B'Elanna obviously hadn't heard her.
"It's no use when any--" Her voice trailed off. Janeway just looked
at her, more at peace with her decision to be honest than she could ever have
imagined. She waited patiently for a reaction. Three, two, one, here we go, she thought as she watched the Klingon's
jaw drop.
"Did you just say what I thought you said?" B'Elanna asked
after a moment. "You're not denying it?"
The captain shook her head.
"Wow." B'Elanna seemed to be speechless. "I didn't think
you had it in you, Captain." There was a good bit of admiration coloring
the engineer's voice. "I'm impressed."
"Thanks." Janeway's voice was drier than the desert on Hasara
Prime. "So glad you approve."
B'Elanna watched the captain's face for a second. "Do you need my
approval?"
Janeway was stunned for a second but she tried to shake it off quickly. "No,
I … I don't." She stammered and cleared her throat. "I'm not … I don't
…"
"Wait, let me guess," B'Elanna interrupted. "You're not
planning on telling Seven. Am I right?"
Something in B'Elanna's voice caught Janeway's attention. "You don't
agree with that, I assume?"
Torres realized that she had a chance here of paying back some of the
debt she felt she owed the captain. Carefully, she put a hand on the captain's
arm. "Captain … Kathryn … I think you should tell her."
The arm below her fingers tensed. "Why would I want to do that to
myself? All I need is the two days that Seven has to regenerate now, so I can
get over this. Can get over the intensity of it."
B'Elanna wanted to slap herself over the head. So typical of the captain not to realize … "Captain, you don't
have to believe me but I'm positive that Seven feels the same way about you."
Janeway shook her head. "No, she doesn’t even know what love is.
She’s only been human again for such a short time." She started pacing in
front of B'Elanna, repeating to herself all the old arguments. "I can't
tell her." She stopped in front of the engineer. "You see, B'Elanna,
I don't want her to do something just because she thinks she's supposed to do
it … or feel it."
B'Elanna didn’t agree with the captain’s assessment of Seven, which
greatly surprised her. It was no secret that she didn’t get along well with the
Borg but it certainly wasn’t because she thought Seven wasn’t human enough to
feel. She had to hold back another snort but couldn’t stop herself from
commenting. "Yeah, right."
The captain started pacing again.
"Captain," B'Elanna said with a grin, "have you ever seen
Seven do something she didn't want to?" She shrugged. "She only ever
does what she thinks is right anyway, damn the consequences. And you know that."
Janeway stopped and looked at B'Elanna. "So?"
"So, I think you should go in there, say goodnight to her or whatever
it is you're doing when you stop by here during gamma shifts …" She
stopped when she saw her captain's face. "Oh, come on. Did you really
think nobody would notice?"
B'Elanna chuckled as she began to enjoy herself immensely. "Anyway,
go in there, kiss her goodnight, and when she comes out of regeneration, be
there waiting for her. Then tell her. Or better yet, wake her up. I think you
owe it to her. She has the right to make her own decision."
"I have the same right, Lieutenant," Janeway quietly replied. "By
the way, your amusement just cost you another bottle." She injected a bit
of command into her voice, although she felt more amused than angry at the
moment. It was hard to get angry, she realized, when someone was trying to be
helpful and, given the chief engineer's relationship with Seven, jumping over
their own shadow.
B'Elanna knew when to take a hint and kept her mouth shut.
"Computer, release lock on Cargo Bay Two. Authorization Janeway
pi-one-one-zero." The doors opened with a swoosh, and the two women walked
towards them side by side. Kathryn wanted to feel the anticipation as long as
she could and closed her eyes as she walked into the cavernous room.
"Captain." The urgency in B'Elanna's voice made her open her
eyes. "Shouldn't Seven be in her alcove?"
Janeway whirled around, facing the empty alcove. "Where …?
Something must be wrong …" She raised her voice. "Computer, locate
Seven of Nine."
"Seven of Nine is in sickbay."
Janeway looked at B'Elanna, then turned and hurried towards the turbolift.
B'Elanna followed hot on her heels, her date with Tom forgotten.
She wasn't going to miss this for the world.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
The EMH studied his friend. Seven appeared calm, and quite content to
accept this new level in what he considered her development towards humanity.
He was going to help her, no matter how hard it might be on him, and he nodded
to himself.
"Doctor?" Seven had noticed that her friend seemed to have
come to some sort of decision. "Have you determined a way to assist me?"
"Yes, I have," the hologram replied lightly. "I think the
best way would be to proceed from the point where your dream left off."
Seven considered that. "There is a flaw in your idea," she
finally said. "The person is not present at the moment."
Well, that answers that. "I know, Seven," the EMH said with a sigh. "I will be
standing in for that person."
"What?" The syllable erupted from Seven in a squeak and she
berated herself for producing such an undignified sound.
"You will be you, and I will pretend to be the other person,"
the EMH patiently explained. "That way you can practice what to do with
the real object of your affections."
Seven didn't look convinced. "You cannot pretend to be someone you
are not, when you do not even possess the knowledge of that person's identity."
"Well, it would be easier if I knew who we were talking about …"
The doctor's voice had more than a tinge of hope in it.
"No," Seven quickly replied. "You will proceed without
that information. It is not necessary. I believe we will have a successful
experiment without it."
"Experiment? Seven, we're not trying to find a cure for the
Kreturhyan plague here." The hologram suppressed a smile. "We're
trying to recreate a romantic situation so you can approach‑"
Seven interrupted him, clearly impatient to begin with her lesson. "Proceed."
"All right then."
The doctor moved into Seven's personal space and was not surprised when
his friend took a step back. He stepped back, and Seven relaxed. "Seven,
you need to pretend I'm the … person you have feelings for." He barely
caught himself, sure as he was of the person’s identity.
Seven looked contrite but it was
very hard for her. The EMH was nothing like the captain. She swallowed.
"Seven." The doctor's voice was compassionate. "It will
help if you close your eyes and just imagine yourself back in your dream."
Seven nodded. That she could do. She closed her eyes and recalled the
image of the captain opening her arms to her, embracing her. She felt arms go
around her and she tried to relax into them, although they didn't feel right to
her. She sighed, almost giving up and opening her eyes. Then Borg determination
won, and she consciously made a decision to put her head on the doctor’s … no,
the captain's shoulder.
She felt hands cup her face, guiding her head up. She realized that the
doctor was moving his head closer to hers and she tensed in expectation. Of
what, she wasn’t quite sure.
The doctor guided Seven's face to his own, planning to give her a chaste
kiss, maybe on the nose, he decided. He was puckering his lips when suddenly
the sickbay doors opened with a swoosh.
Impossibly, he felt his stomach drop to his knees when he saw who had
come in. He let go of Seven immediately but not before seeing the stormy
expression in the captain's eyes. Seven swayed slightly, before opening her
eyes and holding onto the biobed behind her with one hand. She gasped when she
saw the captain and B'Elanna, and noticed the doctor did the same.
"What's going on here?"
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
Kathryn Janeway was silently begging the turbolift to go faster. Her
mind was coming up with all sorts of problems Seven could have had. What if her
implants had a problem? What if she couldn't regenerate any longer? What if her
human side had the problems? She didn't even realize she was pacing in the
small area of the turbolift until B'Elanna stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"I'm sure there's a simple explanation, Captain," the Klingon
said, injecting her tone with a good dose of optimism.
Kathryn stared at the engineer for a moment before she nodded. Then, the
turbolift stopped and both women were on their way to sickbay.
The captain stormed through the doors as soon as they opened and stopped
dead in her tracks when she caught sight of the EMH and Seven in what looked to
be an intimate embrace. Her stomach twisted painfully, and she had to swallow
hard. Oh, hell, she thought, I should have just gone to bed.
B'Elanna looked at the pair with an unreadable expression on her face. It
was almost funny, the way the doctor had jumped when he saw them enter, or how Seven
had swayed after losing her balance after that. B'Elanna had a feeling that
this was not what it looked like. She was certain that Seven was in love with
the captain, otherwise she would have never said anything to the captain. But
one look at the captain's face told her that Janeway was taking this situation
really, really badly.
"What's going on here?" Janeway was surprised at how
controlled her voice sounded, unaware that this was what scared everyone else
in the room.
"Captain, it's not …"
"Captain, the doctor was …"
Both Seven and the doctor were stopped by the captain's raised hand. "It's
really none of my business, Doctor." She curtly nodded at the EMH, then vaguely
in the direction of Seven. "Seven." She had a hard time looking at
the Borg. It hurt in her chest, and she decided to extract herself from the
situation as professionally as she could.
"I was just worried when I realized Seven wasn't regenerating in
her alcove." She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, any life
had gone out of them. "Apparently, that worry was unfounded." With
that, she turned towards the door and walked out.
There was a moment of silence, while everyone looked at the door. Then B'Elanna
walked up to Seven and the doctor and studied them. "All right," she finally
said, "what is going on here?"
She looked into Seven's eyes. "I don't believe for a second that you were
actually going to let the doctor kiss you."
"Hey!" The EMH bristled visibly at the comment.
"No offense, Doctor …"
"None taken, Lieutenant."
"… but Seven kissing you is just about as realistic as her kissing
Chakotay." B'Elanna continued.
"Now I am offended,
Lieutenant!" the doctor huffed.
Both women ignored him and kept staring at each other. Finally, Seven
shook her head. "No, B'Elanna Torres. I was not kissing the doctor. It was
merely a lesson to provide me with the means to approach the … person I am
really interested in."
B'Elanna relaxed, relieved that her hunch had been right. "Let's
stop beating about the bush. We're talking about the captain, right?" When
Seven hesitated, she continued. "I have eyes, Seven. I've seen you look at
her when you thought nobody was looking."
Seven's eyes widened at the thought of being so easily found out. The
doctor was pumping his fist in a silent celebration of being right.
"B'Elanna Torres," Seven began, then hesitated. She realized
that she had the chance of talking to an expert on human interaction, now that 'the
cat was out of the bag'.
"Yeees?" B'Elanna drawled.
"How should I proceed now?" Seven was clearly uncertain. "It
appeared as if the captain was not as clear in her understanding of the
situation as you were."
"That's because …" B'Elanna stopped herself. Her instinct was
to explain the circumstances to Seven but could she really betray the captain's
secret like that? "Em … er …" she stammered, trying to win some time.
"Is it because the captain has romantic feelings for me as well?"
Seven asked with her customary bluntness, interrupting the engineer's furious
thought process.
"You know?"
Seven nodded. "I was 93% certain up to now but your question
confirmed my thoughts." She even smiled a little at that, just a twitch of
her lips but it was enough for B'Elanna to recognize it.
The engineer groaned. "That's so typical." She threw up her
hands. "She's running away," B'Elanna pointed vaguely in the
direction of the door, "because she doesn't want you to know that she
loves you, and here you are, knowing already. And now she's probably in her
quarters, hurting like hell because she thinks you have feelings for the doctor!"
Suddenly she laughed. "That's practically Cardassian opera!"
"Oh, really?" The doctor sounded interested, not having yet
tried any of those.
B'Elanna looked him and nodded, remembering he was still there. Then she
recalled how they had ended up having this discussion and she glared at the
EMH. "Whose idea was it anyway to have this kind of lesson in the middle
of sickbay?"
The doctor felt a blush crawling up his cheeks and onto his forehead,
mortified and bewildered that his programming apparently allowed for him to be
so obviously embarrassed. But he straightened his spine. "It was my idea,
Lieutenant."
B'Elanna sized him up from bald head to Starfleet boots and back. "I
really hope you weren't doing it to satisfy your own … wishes, Doctor."
The way she emphasized the last bit made it clear to him that the
Klingon was indeed quite adept at reading people … and holograms. But his
interests hadn't been that, at least not primarily, and he wanted to clarify
that for his sake as well as Seven's. "I can assure you, Ms. Torres, I
only wanted to help Seven." He smiled at his blond friend. "I knew,
after all, that it's someone else she's interested in."
B'Elanna decided to let it go and get back to the business of clearing
up this mess. "Seven, I suggest you go see the captain right now. She might
not want to speak to you but don't take no for an answer. It's important that
you two talk. Now."
Seven was hanging onto B'Elanna's every word, a situation that was quite
uncommon for the engineer. She decided she liked it, and she could see what had
drawn the captain in. To have that kind
of attention focused on you every second of every day … She sighed.
"What should I say to the captain? And what if she will not agree
to talk to me?"
"She will talk to you, Seven," B'Elanna reassured her, even
though she knew it could very well be a struggle to get Janeway to listen. "If
she won't let you in, access her quarters anyway and make her listen to you.
Just remember your attitude towards resistance, Seven."
"But what should I tell
her?"
"Tell her that you love her," B'Elanna quietly and carefully
said. "Tell her what she makes you feel … that she makes you feel things you don't feel with anyone else. Let
her know she's the most important person in the world to you."
Seven nodded but B'Elanna knew even without that confirmation that she
was right about Seven’s feelings. She couldn't imagine the ex-Borg doing
anything by half. "She might try and tell you that she doesn't love you or
that you can't be together …"
Seven interrupted. "Why would the captain do that?"
The doctor took over. Gently, he put a hand on Seven's forearm. "Seven,
as captain of this vessel she has many responsibilities and she feels them
heavily. She might think that she doesn't deserve happiness when her crew is
stranded here in the Delta Quadrant. Also, Starfleet regulations frown upon
relationships between officers of different ranks."
"That's bullshit, of course," B'Elanna interjected, "but
unfortunately, the doctor is probably right in his assessment. But you're not a
Starfleet officer, which sure helps."
Seven looked confused and B'Elanna continued. "For now, just go to
her and tell her what is in your heart. You can't do much else anyway. It’s up
to her to accept it or not." She patted Seven on the arm, and gave her a
little push towards the door.
"Seven, wait!" The ex-Borg stopped at B’Elanna’s call and turned
around. "Let your hair down."
Seven looked at the doctor who nodded enthusiastically. She shrugged and
pulled the hairpins from her French twist. When she shook her head to settle
her hair in waves around her face, B'Elanna could have sworn she heard the EMH
sigh. She grinned and gave Seven a thumbs up. Seven uncertainly returned the gesture,
then walked out.
As Seven left sickbay, B'Elanna
and the doctor looked on like proud parents. Then they gave each other a curt
nod, and B'Elanna followed Seven out the door.
Maybe I can still salvage my
date with Tom, she thought as her hand touched her
combadge to call him. "Although I'd much rather see how this ends."
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
As soon as the doors to her quarters closed behind her, Janeway sank
against the bulkhead next to the door, a shaking hand covering her eyes. She
was glad she hadn't met anyone on her way from sickbay, aware of the fact that
her command mask was definitely not in working order at the moment.
She slowly straightened and walked over to the replicator. "Double
Scotch," she ordered, then manually entering a command string that would
give her the real thing rather than synthehol. She ignored the replicator's health
risk warning and waited for the drink to appear. Her hand closed around it as
soon as it materialized, and she emptied it in one gulp, relishing the way it
burned its way down through the cold spot in her chest.
"How can you feel so good one minute, and so utterly wretched the
next?" she asked her empty quarters. She resisted the urge to replicate
another drink and walked over to her couch instead, gracelessly plopping down
with a groan.
"Two days," she said quietly into the dark room. "All I
wanted was two days to enjoy this feeling." She curled up on the couch. "Just
two damn days."
Well, you said there was no
chance in hell for you two, and you wanted to get over it anyway, her little voice mocked her inside her head. "Yes, I know,"
she ground out. "But not like this!"
She realized what was bothering her even as the tears she couldn't stop
started rolling down her cheeks. You
never really wanted to let this go, did you? You wanted to hold onto this
feeling, waiting and hoping for Seven to find her place in this world. And then
maybe, just maybe she would realize that she could love you, too.
"Yeah, right," Janeway snorted, feeling twice as old as her forty-one
years. She rolled onto her back and wiped the tears from her face. "Why
would she want me anyway? I'm old, I'm a captain, and I can never be fully
hers." Her whisper sounded harsh to her own ears. But why would she fall for the doctor? the voice inside her head
asked in a reasonable tone. He certainly
isn't any more desirable than you are.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
Seven exited the turbolift on deck three and walked slowly towards the
captain's quarters. Absentmindedly, she rubbed her palms on her thighs,
noticing that they seemed to be wet. She stopped, running a short diagnostic
routine, and was relieved and dismayed when she realized she was simply, and
quite totally, nervous.
"I am Borg," she muttered under her breath. "I will not
fail." But B'Elanna and the doctor had shaken her confidence when they had
agreed that the captain might not want to be with her, no matter what she was
feeling. Up to that moment, that had not occurred to her at all.
She would have to make the captain see that a romantic relationship with
her was a good thing. "I am Borg," she repeated, remembering
B’Elanna’s advice. "Resistance is futile."
She pressed the door chime and waited.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
Janeway knew who was at the door. It could only be Seven. Still, she
quietly asked the computer, and the modulated voice confirmed her fear. For a
long moment, she hid her face under her forearms, bent on avoiding anything and
anyone.
The chime was pressed again. Was there a touch of impatience behind the
chime this time? Deciding her own anxiety was causing her to hear things,
Janeway shook her head and sighed. "Computer, lights one half." She
rolled to her feet and walked over to the door, taking a slow, deep breath, and
wiping at her eyes before she opened it.
"Hello, Sev‑" The captain looked up and forgot what she
was saying or doing when she caught sight of the woman standing before her. Oh my God, she looks great with her hair
down. She had to fight the urge to jump Seven and bury her hands in the
blond hair. She cleared her throat instead. "What can I do for you?"
she finally managed, proud that her voice sounded steadier than she felt.
Seven had watched the captain, registering the effect she had on the
woman. Her confidence grew a bit, fanned by the look she had seen on Janeway's
face before the older woman had managed to compose her features. Seven saw that
the captain was far from being the aloof commander at the moment. Apparently,
the scene in sickbay had really shaken her up. There was an aura of vulnerability
about Janeway that made Seven want to take her in her arms and keep her safe.
"I would like to talk to you, Captain," Seven said politely,
trying a small smile to make her offer more enticing. For a fleeting moment, she
wondered if it would be helpful if she just undressed but decided against it.
Humans were so unpredictable where nudity was concerned.
Janeway looked at her for a long moment, then nodded and let Seven
enter. She followed her to the couch, guiltily enjoying the excellent view of
her backside. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked out of
pure habit, anticipating Seven's response in her head as soon as the question
had left her mouth. I do not require‑
"I … would appreciate a glass of water, thank you," Seven
replied to Janeway's surprise.
"Okay, one water coming right up." She walked over to the
replicator and returned a few moments later with a pitcher of ice water and two
glasses.
"You will not have coffee?" Seven asked when Janeway poured
them each a glass.
"No, I'm keyed up enough already," the captain said before she
could stop herself.
"You are nervous," Seven stated gently. When Janeway refused
to look at her, she went on. "I am also experiencing nervousness, Captain."
Janeway looked at her visitor then, just catching a palm being pressed
into a thigh. "So you are," she said. "Want to tell me why you're
here at this time of night?"
"I believe you know why I am here." Seven's voice was calm,
despite her nervousness. "I wish to talk about what you think you saw in
sickbay."
"What I think I saw?"
Janeway's eyebrows shot up. "I think it was pretty damn clear what I saw.
You and the doctor-‑"
"He was trying to assist me," Seven interrupted quietly.
"Yeah, right," Janeway snorted, wishing fervently for some
control. "Why don't you tell me what he was assisting you with," she
said after a few seconds, her tone only slightly sarcastic. "It sure didn't
look like a medical exam to me."
She grabbed her glass and took a long gulp of the ice water, trying to
cool down before she fully erupted. Her hands were shaking, her body insisting
on an outlet for her emotional turmoil. In this moment Kathryn Janeway realized
two things. First, that the woman sitting next to her on the couch would always
be able to drive her completely out of control, entering the world behind the
command mask with ease. And secondly, that she would not get over her feelings
for Seven any time soon.
In fact, she doubted it would ever happen. Kathryn closed her eyes,
suppressing the new tears she could feel rising all the way up from her chest.
When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring directly into a very
concerned blue gaze, just inches from her face. Somehow Seven had managed to
get up from the couch and kneel down in front of her without her noticing it.
Kathryn almost reared back in surprise but forced herself to stay where she
was.
Seven put her hands onto the captain's knees, resisting the desire to
rub the inside of lean thighs with her thumbs. The muscles under her hands
twitched but the older woman did not move away.
"So, why … what …" Kathryn stopped to clear her throat, caught
as she was in the blue eyes before her. She blew out a long breath and tried
again, her voice low and husky. "What's going on here, Seven?"
Seven felt a sharp pang in the vicinity of her heart at the resigned
note in the captain's voice. Her resolve to clear the air strengthened.
However, she was still uncertain how to proceed.
"Would you prefer that I start at the beginning or that I begin
with the most relevant part?" she finally asked.
"Are you telling me that this is a long story but there's actually
only one important point to it all?"
Seven nodded, appreciating the captain's deductive reasoning skills.
"Then by all means start with the relevant point," Kathryn
replied with a one-sided shrug. "If I need the whole story later, I'll let
you know."
"Acceptable," Seven simply said, then hesitated.
"Well?" The captain's sounded almost amused at the ex-Borg's
unusual hesitancy. It must be something big.
When Seven straightened and cupped Janeway's face in her hands, the
captain began to realize just how big this could turn out to be. Then she
stopped thinking and started to panic as Seven pressed their lips together,
gently, lightly, for a moment.
The sweet, short touch was enough to make Seven afraid for her cortical
node. It seemed to stop functioning the second her lips had come into contact
with the captain's. It was a strange feeling, not analyzing things, not
thinking at all, and Seven quite enjoyed it.
So she kissed the captain again.
Janeway hadn't recovered from the first, short kiss when their lips
touched again. This time Seven's touch was firmer, more assured, and lasted a
lot longer. Janeway knew somewhere deep down that she should stop this but the
truth was, she couldn't. All she could do was to hang on and enjoy the ride.
When Seven's lips left hers after long moments, Janeway voiced her
disappointment in a moan and did the only thing she could think of. Her hands
flew into blond hair, burying themselves into the silken strands, and pulling
Seven head back to her own for a passionate kiss.
Seven's eyes flew open, then fluttered close again. This was different. She got lost in the sensation of the captain's
lips moving demandingly over her own. Tentatively, she parted her lips and flicked
her tongue against the center of the captain's upper lip. Janeway groaned deep
in her throat and pushed her tongue deeply into Seven's mouth in return, then
retreated, inviting Seven to follow with her own tongue. This time it was Seven's
turn to groan as she experienced the taste and texture of the captain's mouth
fully for the first time.
Kathryn felt herself losing ground, losing perspective. All she wanted
was to keep on kissing Seven and hanging onto her for the rest of the night and
into forever. She tightened her grip on Seven, trying to pull the woman even
closer. Panic had long since made way for pleasure and the worries flitting through
her brain were gone almost as soon as they appeared.
After long, delicious minutes Seven felt Janeway pull away, an
unreadable expression on her face. Seven let her go, knowing that the captain
would most certainly want to talk more now. The need for communication at this
point frustrated her but she also realized that if she wanted the captain to
consider a relationship between them, they'd have to stop now. From the look on
Janeway's face, she assumed she still hadn't managed to make her intentions
clear enough. She just hoped she could find the right words.
Janeway untangled her hands from Seven's hair and stared at them as if
she had never seen them before. She swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture
back to her mouth from parts down south. Seven had retreated a bit, she was
happy to note, giving her the space she needed to come to her senses.
Seven leaned back, just watching the captain. She saw her swallow, and
she tried to read the expression on her face as Janeway stared at her own
hands. She missed the feeling of them against her scalp already, and she ached
to be wrapped around, entangled with the captain again. She sighed and got to
her feet, recognizing the futility of her wish for now, and sat beside the
captain on the couch.
Finally, the captain spoke. "This …" she gestured between
them, an uncertain motion with her hands. "This was the relevant point?"
Seven took the captain's hands in her own, holding them lightly. She was
pleasantly surprised when the captain didn't pull them away. "This is the
only thing that matters, Captain."
"What does 'this' mean?" Janeway asked, confirming Seven's
suspicion that she'd have to clarify her intentions. "And please, Seven,
call me Kathryn." Her blue-gray eyes met Seven's. They were vulnerable. "I
don't feel much like a captain right now."
Seven wanted to ask what the older woman was feeling but she decided to
focus on answering the question first. She tried to show all the feelings in
her eyes when she did. "This …" she stopped and reverently touched
the captain's lips with her fingertips, "this means I love you."
Oh my God. Kathryn's hormones perked up and danced the mambo at those words and
the gentle touch on her lips. Her fingertips tingled like crazy. I must be dreaming. If I'm not, then this is
a dream come true. Kathryn shook her head. No, this is much too good to be true. Nobody's that lucky, not even me.
"What do I do now?" she whispered. She didn't realize she had voiced
her thought until she heard Seven's answer.
"Accept my feelings for you, Kathryn. That is what you should do
now." Seven's mouth curled into a smile that took Kathryn's breath away in
its sincere simplicity. There was no way that these eyes, that smile … this
woman was anything but honest and sincere about her feelings, she knew.
Kathryn believed her, and it made her own situation so much harder. How hard can this really be?, her inner
voice taunted her. You love her, she
loves you, and your bedroom is only 15 feet in that direction.
She was torn, between her feelings and between what she knew she should
do in compliance with Starfleet regulations. Fuck Starfleet, her inner voice erupted in a voice that sounded
suspiciously like her chief engineer. They're
worlds away, literally. Kathryn thought of the talk she had with B'Elanna
earlier, and how the Klingon had pushed her to approach Seven. You don't even have to make the first move
now. All you have to do is accept this gift and be happy.
Kathryn wasn't sure she could. Oh, she wanted to. God, how I want to. But did Seven even know what she was offering,
what she was walking into? The thought of Seven always going to the doctor for
help on relationship matters made her squeamish. You could help her instead of the doctor, the voice inside her head
interrupted her musings. It would be much
more fun for Seven and you, and so much more … efficient.
For the first time, Kathryn found herself really considering the thought
of a relationship with Seven. She knew she had to enter it with an open heart
and mind, ready to let parts of herself go that she had never opened to anyone
before. She just knew that any kind of relationship with Seven would be
intense, very intense, and there would be no way back once they'd started. Oh, who are you kidding, Katie? For you, there's
already no way back.
Did she really want that? Could she do it? Those were the real questions.
And was that what Seven wanted, too?
Seven watched the captain struggle with herself, content to let Kathryn
work things out in her head, sure in the knowledge that she had made her point.
And despite the cautionary words of B'Elanna and the doctor she was relatively certain
that the captain would give them a chance. Maybe it was the way Kathryn's eyes
moved over her body, although Seven doubted the older woman was really seeing
anything. Or maybe it was the way the captain's hand had – quite unconsciously,
Seven assumed – moved onto her thigh and was making small circles that were
driving her insane with the urge to simply grab the captain and kiss her. Or
maybe it was the look of hope that she could see in the blue eyes that met her
own now.
Whatever it was, it took Seven's breath away, making her heart expand
enough to push out the air in her lungs. She couldn't wait to see what would
happen next.
It wasn't what either of them expected, however, judging by the way they
jumped when they heard the door chime. And if Seven understood the Klingon
swear words correctly, the captain was not pleased at the interruption either.
Her heart throbbed a little faster at that thought, and her hope blossomed.
"Computer, who's at the door to the captain's quarters?"
Janeway growled.
"Commander Chakotay is at the door to the captain's quarters,"
the computer evenly replied.
Kathryn let her head fall into her hands. She knew he wouldn't just go
away and that he probably wanted to talk about her latest decision to go after
the Borg. I so don't need this right now.
The chime sounded again. She looked at Seven and came to a decision.
Impulsively, she leaned closer to Seven and gave her a quick kiss. "Don't
go anywhere," she said quietly, already leaning in for a second brief
kiss. Then she got up and walked to the door, feeling Seven's eyes on her back.
It made her feel good instead of self-conscious, and she knew her decision was
right.
"Yes, Commander?" she asked when the door opened, her voice
carefully neutral.
"Hello, Kathryn," he greeted her with a smile and complete
disregard for her professional greeting. "I wanted to see how you were
doing after our mission … I thought we could share a night cap." He pulled
a bottle half filled with some golden liquid from behind his back.
The captain inwardly growled at his presumptuous greeting but wasn't in
any mood to fight with him. Instead she tried to come up with a way to send her
second in command on his way without being too obvious. Her mind, however, was
busy thinking much more prurient thoughts about the other person in her
quarters.
She drew a blank.
"You seem tense," he continued when she didn't react to his
offer. He took a step towards her.
Damn right, I'm tense. I'm
standing here talking to you when I want to be over there kissing Seven. "I'm just tired, I guess," she simply said, using his comment
as a way out. She moved so he couldn't enter her quarters, trying to keep him
from seeing Seven. "Can I give you a rain check?"
He studied her for a few moments, then nodded. "Of course." He
handed her the bottle and turned to go. "Good night, Captain."
"Good night."
Kathryn turned around and walked away from the door. "Computer,
initiate privacy seal on the captain's quarters. Emergency override only."
She slowly made her way to Seven who was smiling at her from the couch. "Computer,
also initiate privacy seal for my combadge and Seven of Nine's combadge for the
next 12 hours."
Seven looked up when the captain stopped to stand in front of her
looking down with a pensive expression on her face. "Captain?"
Kathryn smiled at the multitude of feelings she could discern from just
that one word. She reached out and took Seven's Borg hand into her own, rubbing
her thumb over the ridges of the implant. Then she pressed the hand against her
stomach and met Seven's eyes that were wide and very blue. "What do you
want, Seven?" she asked, her voice gentle and husky.
Seven forced her hand to remain still against the captain's stomach,
although it took a considerate amount of her focus to resist the urge to … just
move it. She wasn't sure what the captain was asking. Hadn't she made it clear
yet? "Capt … Kathryn?" she repeated, amending the name when she saw
the older woman frown.
Kathryn took Seven's hand again and sat down next to her, much closer
than before. "You say you love me, Seven," she explained patiently. "But
what is it you expect from me, from us?"
Seven didn't need to think about that, she knew the answer deep down
inside her. "I want to be with you, Kathryn," she replied, her eyes
never leaving the captain's. "I want us to be together," she stumbled
slightly over the unfamiliar and vague terms that she had heard the other
crewmembers use. "I would like for us to enter into a romantic affilia …
relationship."
Kathryn appreciated Seven's attempt at using appropriate vocabulary when
talking about love but she didn't need Seven to be anyone other than who she
was. "Yes," she finally said. "I would like that, too."
"You would?"