Green Eggs and Chakotay

(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

(thanks to Mrs. Bubash for helping)

Our new prey!

Hear him bray.

Chakotay!

 

That Chakotay!

That Chakotay!

I do not like

that Chakotay!

 

Do YOU like

that Chakotay?

 

We do not like him.

Hear us say!

We do NOT like

that Chakotay!

 

Would you like him

on a planet?

 

We would not like him

on a planet.

We'd rather see him

under granite.

We do not like him.

Hear us say!

We do not like

that Chakotay!

 

Would you like him

out in space?

Would you like him

anyplace?

 

We do not like him

out in space!

We do not like him

anyplace!

Do we like?

No way, no how!

We'd like to crush him

with a cow!

We do not like him. Hear us say!

We do not like that Chakotay!

 

Let us make this

very clear.

We want the big lug

gone from here!

 

Not on the ship.

Not in our life.

His mere existence

causes strife.

We'll have to kill him, this is clear.

We'll have to make him disappear.

We do not like him. Hear us say!

We do not like that Chakotay!

 

Would we? Could we?

Kill him dead?

Pump the dipshit

Full of lead!

 

I would,

I could...

in the head!

 

We know he can't fly

worth a damn,

so make a shuttle

go KA-BLAMM!!

 

We could cleave his head in two!

Shut his big fat mouth with glue!

Seal him in the Cargo Bay!

Space his body far away!

Crack him with a dinner plate!

Drop on him a ten-ton weight!

Whining cries will not impact us.

We'll use him for target practice!

We do not like him. Hear us say!

We do not like that Chakotay!

 

Let's kill him now!

We all maintain

the right technique

could entertain!

 

Let's not refrain! He cannot flee!

Oh, how much fun this all will be!

 

Soon we must make a decision

Then complete it with precision.

How to kill our common prey?

Crush the head, or body flay?

So many choices! Who can say

when will be the happy day?

Hey, did we mention? Did we say?

We do not like that Chakotay!

 

Say!

In the dark?

Here in the dark!

Would we, could we, in the dark?

 

We would, sure could,

in the dark!

 

Would we, could we,

in a park?

 

Yeah! Let's get him in a park.

We'll pick one that's nice and dark!

Lure him to a date with Seven.

He should meet her at eleven.

Once Tattoo-Boy can see her curves,

we'll make our move with steely nerves.

Before she has time to be bored

He'll have to face the Rabid Horde!

 

You're serious

in what you say!

 

Hell, yeah!

We HATE that

Chakotay!

 

Could you, would you

let him go?

 

We cannot,

will not,

don'tcha know!

 

But WHY? He'll ask.

Why this big plot?

 

What did you do? What did you not?

The list is long, it says a lot!

Your Angry Warrior tale's real old

and frankly leaves us bored and cold.

The Captain asked you to be loyal.

You couldn't do it! Now you'll broil.

On one point all the Horde agree:

To call you "plank" insults a tree.

You thought to get in Janeway's pants,

but she had taste; there was no chance.

You're denser than a block of lead-

for that alone we'd want you dead!

 

We do not

like you.

Hear us say!

 

We do not like you,

Chakotay!

 

What will we do?

Well, let's just say

we're gonna throw

our cares away.

Watch the Rabid Horde at play!

 

We'll throw them all

and when we're through

the biggest care we'll

throw is you!

 

Hey!

Find the cow and let her drop!

Let's use a bat'leth! Chop! Chop! Chop!

The Rabid Horde will scream and shout:

Don't mess with us- we'll take you OUT!

 

So everybody, get your hits!

Go kick him in the naughty bits!

We'll get on with our work with glee!

This is so fun, so fun, you see!

 

We'll throw what's left into a box

and then we'll seal the box with locks.

Let's put the box inside a house.

With gasoline the house we'll douse.

We'll stand and watch it burst aflame

Oh joy! We're happy that we came!

 

And round the flames

we'll dance and say

"See you

later,

Chakotay!"

by Taoduck






A Striking Resemblance To A Certain First Officer!!
Coincidence?  We Think Not!