Xena: Warrior Princess

"A Land In Need..."

A silly skit by

Jadzia7627@aol.com

Aka

Patricia L. Ennis

November 1996

It is late in the evening, and Gabrielle has just returned from a long bath

in a nearby streem to find Xena sitting by the fire, scribbling quickly with

a quill and parchment.

Gabrielle (Hands on her hips): What are you doing?

Xena (Chewing gently on her bottom lip, barely sparing the bard a glance):

I'm...writing something.

Gabrielle: Writing something?? What do you mean, 'Writing something?

Xena (Looking up, arching an eyebrow): Writing something...you know...put a

quill on paper, wiggle it around a little?

Gabrielle: You're not supposed to do that!

Xena: Why not?

Gabrielle: It's in my contract!

Xena: What are you talking about, Gabrielle?

Gabrielle (Pulls a parchment out of her bag): See, right here! (She points)

It says: Xena, Warrior Princess will refrain from doing anything that is

considered bardly and Gabrielle will refrain from becoming competent with a

weapon!

Xena: Bardly? Is that a real word?

Gabrielle: That's not the point-

Xena: Yeah, but...bardly? You'd think they could come up with something

better than 'bardly'!

Gabrielle: Xena, you're not listening to me. You're not supposed to write.

That's my thing. You fight and look superior...that's your thing.

Xena: Well, what about the staff?

Gabrielle: Uhm...what do you mean?

Xena: You know what I mean. You've become quite good with that staff. I

thought fighting was my thing.

Gabrielle: You don't use a staff!

Xena: I Can so use a staff!

Gabrielle: I said you 'don't' use a staff. Not you can't! Besides, you get

that whole 'Land in need' thing!

Xena (Raises her eyebrows): WHAT 'land in need' thing?

Gabrielle: You know, don't act like you don't. The whole 'the land cried

out for a hero' thing! And do I even get a 'with her trusty sidekick'? NO!

Xena (scratching her head): I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about!

Gabrielle (snorting): Yeah, right. Give me the paper.

Xena (paling): No.

Gabrielle (Coming around the fire to inch closer to the retreating warrior):

Give it to me!

Xena: No, Gabrielle!

Gabrielle (pouncing on the surprised princess): HA! Bet they won't show

that in the opening credits!

Xena: No...probably not! (Tries to grab the paper back)

Gabrielle (Waving her hands away as she reads): What the...?

Her pale blue eyes

strawberry hair

lips so sweet

skin so fair....

(Looks down at the warrior laying beneath her.): This is about me?

Xena (Flushing): Uhm...well...

Gabrielle: I thought I heard something in the bushes! You watched me didn't

you?

Xena: Of course not!

Gabrielle (smiling): I think you did. (Looks around then leans downward.)

Xena: What are you doing?

Gabrielle: What does it feel like?

Xena (Panting slightly): Uhm...it feels like your hand-ahh...

Gabrielle: What about this?

Xena: Hmmm....your lips...wait....

Gabrielle (Gasping): Wha...how'd ya do that?

Xena (Snickering): I have many skills.

Gabrielle: I guess I really don't mind if you write.

Xena: And I'd like to see how good you are with that staff.

Gabrielle: Think they'll put this in the opening credits?

Xena: Well, they showed your breasts...

Gabrielle: I keep telling you, I did NOT jump that far out of the water!

Xena: You forget, I was right beside you...

Gabrielle: And what about what you were doing under the water? You had an

awfully big smile on your face!

Xena: Hey, it was your hand!

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Fade to black on the sound of their snickering, and a few other sounds I can't

really describe...and keep it PG anyway...